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On this day in history
April 19th
  • 1770 Captain James Cook, still holding the rank of lieutenant, sights the eastern coast of what is now Australia.
  • 1943 Albert Hofmann deliberately doses himself with LSD for the first time, three days after having discovered its effects on April 16.
  • 1971 Charles Manson is sentenced to death (later commuted to life imprisonment) for conspiracy in the Tate–LaBianca murders.
  • 1987 The Simpsons first appear as a series of shorts on The Tracey Ullman Show, first starting with "Good Night".
  • 2020 A killing spree in Nova Scotia, Canada, leaves 22 people and the perpetrator dead, making it the deadliest rampage in the country's history.
  • 2021 The Ingenuity helicopter becomes the first aircraft to achieve flight on another planet.

It's fun time

The bartender says, “We don’t serve time travellers here." A time traveller walks into a bar.
I can’t believe I got fired from the calendar factory. All I did was take a day off.
Pavlov walks into a bar. The phone rings, and he says, “I forgot to feed the dog.”
Two fish are in a tank. One says, ‘How do you drive this thing?’
A blind man walked into a bar… and a table… and a chair…
Most people are shocked when they find out how bad I am as an electrician.
What did the snail who was riding on the turtle's back say? Wheeeee!
I was going to tell a time traveling joke, but you guys didn't like it.
What’s the difference between ignorance and apathy? I don’t know and I don’t care.
Always remember – you’re unique. Just like everyone else.
"What did one wall say to the other?" "I'll meet you at the corner."
A couple of cannibals are having lunch. One says to the other, “Man, I hate your mother.” The other says, “Try the potatoes, then.”
The bartender says, “We don’t serve time travellers here." A time traveller walks into a bar.
I can’t believe I got fired from the calendar factory. All I did was take a day off.
Pavlov walks into a bar. The phone rings, and he says, “I forgot to feed the dog.”
Two fish are in a tank. One says, ‘How do you drive this thing?’
A blind man walked into a bar… and a table… and a chair…
Most people are shocked when they find out how bad I am as an electrician.
What did the snail who was riding on the turtle's back say? Wheeeee!
I was going to tell a time traveling joke, but you guys didn't like it.
What’s the difference between ignorance and apathy? I don’t know and I don’t care.
Always remember – you’re unique. Just like everyone else.
"What did one wall say to the other?" "I'll meet you at the corner."
A couple of cannibals are having lunch. One says to the other, “Man, I hate your mother.” The other says, “Try the potatoes, then.”
- Knock, knock. - Who’s there? - Fix. - Fix who? - Fix the doorbell, it’s broken!
What if there were no hypothetical situations?
Do you ever notice that when you’re driving, anyone going slower than you is an idiot and everyone driving faster than you is a maniac?
Always borrow money from a pessimist. They’ll never expect it back.
My uncle named his dogs Timex and Rolex. They're his watch dogs.
How does an octopus go into battle? Well-armed.
Build a man a fire and he’ll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire and he’ll be warm for the rest of his life.
- Knock, knock. - Who’s there? - From. - From who? - Actually, grammatically speaking you should say "from whom."
How do you drown a hipster? Throw him in the mainstream.
I failed math so many times at school, I can’t even count.
What’s the best thing about Switzerland? I don’t know, but the flag is a big plus.
Two blondes walk into a building… You’d think one of them would have seen it.
- Knock, knock. - Who’s there? - Fix. - Fix who? - Fix the doorbell, it’s broken!
What if there were no hypothetical situations?
Do you ever notice that when you’re driving, anyone going slower than you is an idiot and everyone driving faster than you is a maniac?
Always borrow money from a pessimist. They’ll never expect it back.
My uncle named his dogs Timex and Rolex. They're his watch dogs.
How does an octopus go into battle? Well-armed.
Build a man a fire and he’ll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire and he’ll be warm for the rest of his life.
- Knock, knock. - Who’s there? - From. - From who? - Actually, grammatically speaking you should say "from whom."
How do you drown a hipster? Throw him in the mainstream.
I failed math so many times at school, I can’t even count.
What’s the best thing about Switzerland? I don’t know, but the flag is a big plus.
Two blondes walk into a building… You’d think one of them would have seen it.
Sport

Famous quotes

That which does not kill us makes us stronger.Friedrich Nietzsche
To the well-organized mind, death is but the next great adventure.J.K. Rowling
You can never get a cup of tea large enough or a book long enough to suit me.C.S. Lewis
Not all of us can do great things. But we can do small things with great love.Mother Teresa
Love is that condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own.Robert A. Heinlein
Do what you can, with what you have, where you are.Theodore Roosevelt
It is our choices, Harry, that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.J.K. Rowling
We don't see things as they are, we see them as we are.Anaïs Nin
If I had a flower for every time I thought of you...I could walk through my garden forever.Alfred Tennyson
Be not afraid of greatness. Some are born great, some achieve greatness, and others have greatness thrust upon them.William Shakespeare
It takes a great deal of bravery to stand up to our enemies, but just as much to stand up to our friends.J.K. Rowling
Do not read, as children do, to amuse yourself, or like the ambitious, for the purpose of instruction. No, read in order to live.Gustave Flaubert
That which does not kill us makes us stronger.Friedrich Nietzsche
To the well-organized mind, death is but the next great adventure.J.K. Rowling
You can never get a cup of tea large enough or a book long enough to suit me.C.S. Lewis
Not all of us can do great things. But we can do small things with great love.Mother Teresa
Love is that condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own.Robert A. Heinlein
Do what you can, with what you have, where you are.Theodore Roosevelt
It is our choices, Harry, that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.J.K. Rowling
We don't see things as they are, we see them as we are.Anaïs Nin
If I had a flower for every time I thought of you...I could walk through my garden forever.Alfred Tennyson
Be not afraid of greatness. Some are born great, some achieve greatness, and others have greatness thrust upon them.William Shakespeare
It takes a great deal of bravery to stand up to our enemies, but just as much to stand up to our friends.J.K. Rowling
Do not read, as children do, to amuse yourself, or like the ambitious, for the purpose of instruction. No, read in order to live.Gustave Flaubert
Do not pity the dead, Harry. Pity the living, and, above all those who live without love.J.K. Rowling
All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn't hurt.Charles M. Schulz
If you can't explain it to a six year old, you don't understand it yourself.Albert Einstein
I am no bird; and no net ensnares me: I am a free human being with an independent will.Charlotte Brontë
Folks are usually about as happy as they make their minds up to be.Abraham Lincoln
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that I don't know the answer.Douglas Adams
Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.Oscar Wilde
I solemnly swear that I am up to no good.J.K. Rowling
Sometimes you wake up. Sometimes the fall kills you. And sometimes, when you fall, you fly.Neil Gaiman
I speak to everyone in the same way, whether he is the garbage man or the president of the university.Albert Einstein
Everyone thinks of changing the world, but no one thinks of changing himself.Leo Tolstoy
Everything you can imagine is real.Pablo Picasso
Do not pity the dead, Harry. Pity the living, and, above all those who live without love.J.K. Rowling
All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn't hurt.Charles M. Schulz
If you can't explain it to a six year old, you don't understand it yourself.Albert Einstein
I am no bird; and no net ensnares me: I am a free human being with an independent will.Charlotte Brontë
Folks are usually about as happy as they make their minds up to be.Abraham Lincoln
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that I don't know the answer.Douglas Adams
Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.Oscar Wilde
I solemnly swear that I am up to no good.J.K. Rowling
Sometimes you wake up. Sometimes the fall kills you. And sometimes, when you fall, you fly.Neil Gaiman
I speak to everyone in the same way, whether he is the garbage man or the president of the university.Albert Einstein
Everyone thinks of changing the world, but no one thinks of changing himself.Leo Tolstoy
Everything you can imagine is real.Pablo Picasso
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